Me Survey: Have you ever seen gay men hold hands in public? If so; where? (the mall, the park, etc.)?
also: specify which city you were in
TheMAN!
I witnessed two men laying on eachothers chest in a theme park. At the time I was weirded out, considering I was with my friend I (regretablly) looked disgusted. Inside, I wanted to be doing the same with him.
I've also seen gay men hold hands while I have been on holiday. (canary islands.)
July 09, 2011
February 23, 2011
West prevents its men from holding hands ...
Gay teen forum community
Topic: How unusual is it for gay guys to hold hands?
Posts
Anthony
:: dummy0_0:: QA2 Settling in
If two girls held hands around here it wouldn't really be a big deal, if they made out it probably would; but if two guys held hands, people won't stop staring at them, and someone will probably shout something mean. It's certainly bad, but it could be worse.
Post: #244394 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 12:02AM
Sara
:: feauxfoe:: QA3 Getting cosy
i live near seattle washington which is like the second largest glbtqqi population in the nation, so i see it all the time. there are some bigotty people who kind of make rude remarks, but mostly everyone just kind of keeps walking, not really phased.
Pride is the key to our everything. Without it, we are nothing.
Post: #244408 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 1:31AM
Seth Jordan
:: Seth1979:: QA9 Grand Elder
I live on a fairly small island in Spain, just off the west coast of Africa and though it is in the nation that has been very accepting of homosexual needs and very tolerant of them in law and social practice, the island is frequented by nearly all of the European citizens. And so it is that my opinion on hand-holding, (interestingly enough, I have always associated hand-holding with open homosexual expression), is this. Most of us, when we are afraid to show affection, are trapped in the prison of our own mind. Yes, there are situations when it is dangerous to do so, but those are exceptions. A lot of being openly gay has to do with our own liberated mind.
Life is not merely comprised of tasks but tastes.
Post: #244414 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 1:47AM
erical12
:: erical12:: QA10 Community Goddess
Girls hold hands all the time up here, but as friends lol... well at my school anyways. No one except older people really pay attention to girls holding hands like at a mall or something. If guys held hands, on the other hand, people would stare and look on in disgust
Plain and simple, don't live somebody else's dream.
Post: #244464 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 2:43AM
Joe
:: js99yankee:: QA10 Community God
Ugh double standard!
Post: #244466 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 2:45AM
aka Logan
:: Vanessa:: QA6 Livin' it up!
There's a gay couple in some of my classes, and they often have their arms around each other, which is an even more open display of affection. As it's a fairly liberal group, not many people look twice, let alone care about it. But it's a shame, because I know a lot of places they would get lots of stares for it. I suppose it's partly sexist, too - people expect girls to express themselves more and hold hands and hug friends, whereas they don't expect boys to do more than pat each other on the back, so guys doing things like that earns more attention automatically.
Post: #244474 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 2:51AM
Cody
:: codyco:: QA Staff (Moderator)
Yeah its really unfortunate that this cant be more accepted. Even in what is considered the gay part of a major city near me, gay couples still dont hold hands. I went to a gay bar for the first time last night and it was strange for me to see two guys holding hands, which is weird i guess. I dont know I havent been exposed to it enough for it to seem normal to me.
~~The official CodyCouture fanpage~~
Post: #244502 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 4:05AM
Saied
:: fortune_cookie:: QA10 Community God
I live in a small town so the only people of the same gender who I see holding hands are preppy teenage straight girls. Even as a bisexual if I saw a gay couple holding hands particularly males I'd probably even stare in amazement because I never see it in my everyday life so it would seem strange to me. I hold hands with my bf but not in front of anyone who doesn't know about us. I even am prone to staring at gay people in amazement when i do see them because I'm not used to it. I even got yelled at once nearly in a bus station for staring at this guy who made a comment about thinking some other guy in the terminal was hot. He saw me look at him with wide eyes and was like "what are you looking at?!" Since I'm not used to seeing fellow "queers" in person often it intrigues me to see how like and unlike me they are. I guess I find it interesting to see how other bi/gay guys act. Sorry for babbling again but my point is: For me personally and for most of the people in my town seeing a gay couple hold hands would seem strange just because of lack of exposure to it.
"I pray for all the mothers who get no sleep." - "My Culture" by 1 Giant Leap"Rise up and take the power backIt's time the fat cats had a heart attackYou know that their time's coming to an endWe have to unify and watch our flag ascend" -"Uprising" by Muse“Thinking is the essence of wisdom.” -Persian Proverb
Post: #244534 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 6:02AM
Anthony
:: dummy0_0:: QA2 Settling in
@ Saied: lol the guy was kind of brave to tell you that! All I've ever gotten is a nasty look one time I stared at this boy who was really flamboyant (I thought he was hot) but I guess he thought I was just looking 'cause he was weird I guess in most places it's ok for girls to do it, that's sexist as Vanessa said :/
Post: #244628 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 8:19PM
Skittles
:: lesbiangirl:: QA9 Grand Elder
I'm not completely sure. I live in a very small town in NY. And I RARELY see lesbian and gay couples holding hands. Well, I did once. But nobody noticed them. And me and my girlfriend hold hands sometimes and nobody says anything. Some people stare, but that's it..........
"I don't miss you, I miss the person I thought you were"
Post: #244630 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 8:30PM
Jordan
:: Jordan:: QA2 Settling in
Where I live, if you go into downtown Vancouver its not uncommon to see gay couples holding hands, and when I have gone downtown I'll hold hands. But anywhere else where I live I don't really think it would be all that safe.
Post: #244989 , Tue 2 Jun 09, 11:29PM
Dylan
:: awkwardsoul_x:: QA10 Community God
I think a lot of it is dependent on the age group.For example, if I were to see two women between the ages of 25-45 holding hands, I would assume them to be a lesbian couple. In that case, I think that the reaction would be similar to that of seeing a male gay couple holding hands. However, if I were to see two girls ages 12-18 holding hands, I probably would not think much of it, because a lot of teenage girls I know go around holding hands with each other, and they don't mean it as a romantic gesture.For men in most age groups, I would assume them to be a gay couple if I saw them walking down the street holding hands. I think this is because most of these gestures that don't mean anything when women do it (ex. holding hands, kissing on the cheek, etc.) are rare to see by men unless there's a romantic motive behind it. I don't know why that is, it just is.
“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.â€
- Maya Angelou
Post: #244994 , Wed 3 Jun 09, 12:00AM
Miranda
:: miranduhsmiles:: QA10 Community Goddess
Hm. it's not weird if two men are gay and hold hands. that's love.but, it's like if two straight men hold hands, it's usually weird, because it gives of the they are gay vibe.
Post: #245023 , Wed 3 Jun 09, 1:14AM
<<<ĐęŹza>>> a private message" href="http://www.queerattitude.com/forums/members/postoffice.php?v=c&id=4650">>> a private message" src="http://www.queerattitude.com/forums/img/dirs/forums/pm.gif" width=11 border=0>
:: burder01:: QA9 Grand Elder
is on holiday/vacation for a few days [Profile Link]" href="http://www.queerattitude.com/forums/members/profile.php?id=4650">>> is on holiday/vacation for a few days [Avatar]" src="http://www.queerattitude.com/forums/images/?img=avatars/4650wee.jpg?i=0" width=50 border=0>Well, its something that isn't seen too often here.But the other night, two of my mates were holding hands, and the drunker we got, the more affectionate they got. Was actually really cute, but two of my fag-hags were a bit astounded by it because it takes a lot of self confidence to do that.I know I couldn't do it, not for my sake but for my boyfriends sake.Dez, xoxo
השפה לא יכולה להביע את. מה שאני מרגישKeine Sprache ausdrücken kann, wie ich mich fühle.No language can express how I feel.
Post: #245055 , Wed 3 Jun 09, 3:45AM
Chris
:: Kryz:: QA6 Livin' it up!
It's like the two girls kissing issue.Or the girl saying "That woman looks hot"I hate double standar.
Post: #245866 , Sat 6 Jun 09, 7:30AM
Jess
:: Caustic:: QA3 Getting cosy
I hate public affection. Okay, perhaps hate is a little too harsh of a word, but, I mean.. It just bothers me. Doesn't matter gay or straight.I've had two boyfriends, and both wanted PUBLIC AFFECTION ALL THE TIME. Ugh. I don't mind normal hugs, or perhaps a little bit of hang squeezing like while waiting in a line, but..If I always see the couple kissing, hands in their ass pockets,and having an embracing hug for absolutely no reason (I mean a real reason, like, I don't want to see two people making out in a tight hug.) Normal cuddly hugs are alright sometimes.It just.. erks me.
Post: #247238 , Thu 11 Jun 09, 8:44PM
Nicole
:: ZealousBlue:: QA5 Having the neighbours round
I live in Orange County, which is the most conservative county in the country.Oddly, two girls can make-out at school and nobody will even blink.But when guys hug, you hear lots of shit yelled at them. :/ It's sad.But then again, my experience comes from high school because most homo's leave Orange County after high school.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my lids and all is born again.
Post: #247255 , Thu 11 Jun 09, 9:53PM
sam
:: lucid:: QA7 Taking responsibility
when guys hold hands I love it with every fiber of my being! haha But I think it is the most adorible thing EVER! ...especially when they kiss! *swoon*AHEM! i mean... get ahold of yourself, woman!heehee got a little carried away XD
"My cell mates a killer; he makes me do pushups in drag!"Hmm... Gerard Way in drag?SIGN ME UP FOR SOME PRISON TIME!
Post: #247269 , Thu 11 Jun 09, 10:24PM
Cody
:: codyco:: QA Staff (Moderator)
^ hahah i get that way (although not quite as emotional) when I see gay/lesbian couples. It just gives me hope ya know
~~The official CodyCouture fanpage~~
Post: #247317 , Fri 12 Jun 09, 12:55AM
Lauren
:: uponsummerseav:: QA3 Getting cosy
At my school, one (the only) openly bisexual boy had to move because he was being harassed so badly, so pretty unusual around here.There's an -incredible- double standard though.(I'd love to get out of this place, because I don't think I can change it.)
We have members from the United Kingdom, Ireland, United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand andmore than 70 other countries. Are you 13-25? Join us now!
QA LGBT youth community forums © QueerAttitude.com 2001–2011 Wed 23 Feb 2011, 2:28pm GMT
Topic: How unusual is it for gay guys to hold hands?
Posts
Anthony
:: dummy0_0:: QA2 Settling in
If two girls held hands around here it wouldn't really be a big deal, if they made out it probably would; but if two guys held hands, people won't stop staring at them, and someone will probably shout something mean. It's certainly bad, but it could be worse.
Post: #244394 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 12:02AM
Sara
:: feauxfoe:: QA3 Getting cosy
i live near seattle washington which is like the second largest glbtqqi population in the nation, so i see it all the time. there are some bigotty people who kind of make rude remarks, but mostly everyone just kind of keeps walking, not really phased.
Pride is the key to our everything. Without it, we are nothing.
Post: #244408 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 1:31AM
Seth Jordan
:: Seth1979:: QA9 Grand Elder
I live on a fairly small island in Spain, just off the west coast of Africa and though it is in the nation that has been very accepting of homosexual needs and very tolerant of them in law and social practice, the island is frequented by nearly all of the European citizens. And so it is that my opinion on hand-holding, (interestingly enough, I have always associated hand-holding with open homosexual expression), is this. Most of us, when we are afraid to show affection, are trapped in the prison of our own mind. Yes, there are situations when it is dangerous to do so, but those are exceptions. A lot of being openly gay has to do with our own liberated mind.
Life is not merely comprised of tasks but tastes.
Post: #244414 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 1:47AM
erical12
:: erical12:: QA10 Community Goddess
Girls hold hands all the time up here, but as friends lol... well at my school anyways. No one except older people really pay attention to girls holding hands like at a mall or something. If guys held hands, on the other hand, people would stare and look on in disgust
Plain and simple, don't live somebody else's dream.
Post: #244464 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 2:43AM
Joe
:: js99yankee:: QA10 Community God
Ugh double standard!
Post: #244466 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 2:45AM
aka Logan
:: Vanessa:: QA6 Livin' it up!
There's a gay couple in some of my classes, and they often have their arms around each other, which is an even more open display of affection. As it's a fairly liberal group, not many people look twice, let alone care about it. But it's a shame, because I know a lot of places they would get lots of stares for it. I suppose it's partly sexist, too - people expect girls to express themselves more and hold hands and hug friends, whereas they don't expect boys to do more than pat each other on the back, so guys doing things like that earns more attention automatically.
Post: #244474 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 2:51AM
Cody
:: codyco:: QA Staff (Moderator)
Yeah its really unfortunate that this cant be more accepted. Even in what is considered the gay part of a major city near me, gay couples still dont hold hands. I went to a gay bar for the first time last night and it was strange for me to see two guys holding hands, which is weird i guess. I dont know I havent been exposed to it enough for it to seem normal to me.
~~The official CodyCouture fanpage~~
Post: #244502 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 4:05AM
Saied
:: fortune_cookie:: QA10 Community God
I live in a small town so the only people of the same gender who I see holding hands are preppy teenage straight girls. Even as a bisexual if I saw a gay couple holding hands particularly males I'd probably even stare in amazement because I never see it in my everyday life so it would seem strange to me. I hold hands with my bf but not in front of anyone who doesn't know about us. I even am prone to staring at gay people in amazement when i do see them because I'm not used to it. I even got yelled at once nearly in a bus station for staring at this guy who made a comment about thinking some other guy in the terminal was hot. He saw me look at him with wide eyes and was like "what are you looking at?!" Since I'm not used to seeing fellow "queers" in person often it intrigues me to see how like and unlike me they are. I guess I find it interesting to see how other bi/gay guys act. Sorry for babbling again but my point is: For me personally and for most of the people in my town seeing a gay couple hold hands would seem strange just because of lack of exposure to it.
"I pray for all the mothers who get no sleep." - "My Culture" by 1 Giant Leap"Rise up and take the power backIt's time the fat cats had a heart attackYou know that their time's coming to an endWe have to unify and watch our flag ascend" -"Uprising" by Muse“Thinking is the essence of wisdom.” -Persian Proverb
Post: #244534 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 6:02AM
Anthony
:: dummy0_0:: QA2 Settling in
@ Saied: lol the guy was kind of brave to tell you that! All I've ever gotten is a nasty look one time I stared at this boy who was really flamboyant (I thought he was hot) but I guess he thought I was just looking 'cause he was weird I guess in most places it's ok for girls to do it, that's sexist as Vanessa said :/
Post: #244628 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 8:19PM
Skittles
:: lesbiangirl:: QA9 Grand Elder
I'm not completely sure. I live in a very small town in NY. And I RARELY see lesbian and gay couples holding hands. Well, I did once. But nobody noticed them. And me and my girlfriend hold hands sometimes and nobody says anything. Some people stare, but that's it..........
"I don't miss you, I miss the person I thought you were"
Post: #244630 , Mon 1 Jun 09, 8:30PM
Jordan
:: Jordan:: QA2 Settling in
Where I live, if you go into downtown Vancouver its not uncommon to see gay couples holding hands, and when I have gone downtown I'll hold hands. But anywhere else where I live I don't really think it would be all that safe.
Post: #244989 , Tue 2 Jun 09, 11:29PM
Dylan
:: awkwardsoul_x:: QA10 Community God
I think a lot of it is dependent on the age group.For example, if I were to see two women between the ages of 25-45 holding hands, I would assume them to be a lesbian couple. In that case, I think that the reaction would be similar to that of seeing a male gay couple holding hands. However, if I were to see two girls ages 12-18 holding hands, I probably would not think much of it, because a lot of teenage girls I know go around holding hands with each other, and they don't mean it as a romantic gesture.For men in most age groups, I would assume them to be a gay couple if I saw them walking down the street holding hands. I think this is because most of these gestures that don't mean anything when women do it (ex. holding hands, kissing on the cheek, etc.) are rare to see by men unless there's a romantic motive behind it. I don't know why that is, it just is.
“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.â€
- Maya Angelou
Post: #244994 , Wed 3 Jun 09, 12:00AM
Miranda
:: miranduhsmiles:: QA10 Community Goddess
Hm. it's not weird if two men are gay and hold hands. that's love.but, it's like if two straight men hold hands, it's usually weird, because it gives of the they are gay vibe.
Post: #245023 , Wed 3 Jun 09, 1:14AM
<<<ĐęŹza>>> a private message" href="http://www.queerattitude.com/forums/members/postoffice.php?v=c&id=4650">>> a private message" src="http://www.queerattitude.com/forums/img/dirs/forums/pm.gif" width=11 border=0>
:: burder01:: QA9 Grand Elder
is on holiday/vacation for a few days [Profile Link]" href="http://www.queerattitude.com/forums/members/profile.php?id=4650">>> is on holiday/vacation for a few days [Avatar]" src="http://www.queerattitude.com/forums/images/?img=avatars/4650wee.jpg?i=0" width=50 border=0>Well, its something that isn't seen too often here.But the other night, two of my mates were holding hands, and the drunker we got, the more affectionate they got. Was actually really cute, but two of my fag-hags were a bit astounded by it because it takes a lot of self confidence to do that.I know I couldn't do it, not for my sake but for my boyfriends sake.Dez, xoxo
השפה לא יכולה להביע את. מה שאני מרגישKeine Sprache ausdrücken kann, wie ich mich fühle.No language can express how I feel.
Post: #245055 , Wed 3 Jun 09, 3:45AM
Chris
:: Kryz:: QA6 Livin' it up!
It's like the two girls kissing issue.Or the girl saying "That woman looks hot"I hate double standar.
Post: #245866 , Sat 6 Jun 09, 7:30AM
Jess
:: Caustic:: QA3 Getting cosy
I hate public affection. Okay, perhaps hate is a little too harsh of a word, but, I mean.. It just bothers me. Doesn't matter gay or straight.I've had two boyfriends, and both wanted PUBLIC AFFECTION ALL THE TIME. Ugh. I don't mind normal hugs, or perhaps a little bit of hang squeezing like while waiting in a line, but..If I always see the couple kissing, hands in their ass pockets,and having an embracing hug for absolutely no reason (I mean a real reason, like, I don't want to see two people making out in a tight hug.) Normal cuddly hugs are alright sometimes.It just.. erks me.
Post: #247238 , Thu 11 Jun 09, 8:44PM
Nicole
:: ZealousBlue:: QA5 Having the neighbours round
I live in Orange County, which is the most conservative county in the country.Oddly, two girls can make-out at school and nobody will even blink.But when guys hug, you hear lots of shit yelled at them. :/ It's sad.But then again, my experience comes from high school because most homo's leave Orange County after high school.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my lids and all is born again.
Post: #247255 , Thu 11 Jun 09, 9:53PM
sam
:: lucid:: QA7 Taking responsibility
when guys hold hands I love it with every fiber of my being! haha But I think it is the most adorible thing EVER! ...especially when they kiss! *swoon*AHEM! i mean... get ahold of yourself, woman!heehee got a little carried away XD
"My cell mates a killer; he makes me do pushups in drag!"Hmm... Gerard Way in drag?SIGN ME UP FOR SOME PRISON TIME!
Post: #247269 , Thu 11 Jun 09, 10:24PM
Cody
:: codyco:: QA Staff (Moderator)
^ hahah i get that way (although not quite as emotional) when I see gay/lesbian couples. It just gives me hope ya know
~~The official CodyCouture fanpage~~
Post: #247317 , Fri 12 Jun 09, 12:55AM
Lauren
:: uponsummerseav:: QA3 Getting cosy
At my school, one (the only) openly bisexual boy had to move because he was being harassed so badly, so pretty unusual around here.There's an -incredible- double standard though.(I'd love to get out of this place, because I don't think I can change it.)
We have members from the United Kingdom, Ireland, United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand andmore than 70 other countries. Are you 13-25? Join us now!
QA LGBT youth community forums © QueerAttitude.com 2001–2011 Wed 23 Feb 2011, 2:28pm GMT
March 01, 2010
Disempowering men to speak about or owning up their sexual need for men
I wonder if a discussion on Tearoom Trade would help us in matters pertaining to queer choice. Tearoom trade, for those who don't know, is impersonal sex in public places—highway truck stops, public restrooms, parks—between men (I haven't heard about women doing this). Queer theorist Michael Warner spoke on my campus last year, and he regards this practice to be a vital part of queer life; he said that gay (-identified) men had always considered it important to turn public spaces into sexual spaces. Anyway, whether Tearoom trade is good or bad is not the focus here. The focus is on how this practice intersects with identity issues.
Laud Humphreys, a doctoral student in Washington, did an ethnography called "Tearoom Trade: Impersonal Sex in Public Places." He reports that partner selection and negotiation are all accomplished silently; no words are spoken. Sex may be dyadic or group sex. It is usually oral sex. A weird sort of community develops; the men are intimate, yet they do not know each other. A "watch queen" stands at the door of the restroom to knock on the door if anyone is approaching. The encounter is anonymous, quick and furtive (it has to be). Anyway, curiosity killed the cat for Mr. Humphreys—which made for a good book but bad ethics. He noted down the license plate numbers of the participants and followed them home, claiming to be a health researcher. He made the men and their families fill out surveys. What he found was that these avid tearoom traders were married fathers, leading double lives.
Now, if these men were married fathers, they obviously weren't queer-identified. I read an article on this topic recently that said that it was silly to demand to know if a Tearoom trader identifies as queer; answering such a demand would imply speech—which is a no-no in Tearoom trade situations. The article concluded that queer identification and sexual orientation were situational.
Laud Humphreys, a doctoral student in Washington, did an ethnography called "Tearoom Trade: Impersonal Sex in Public Places." He reports that partner selection and negotiation are all accomplished silently; no words are spoken. Sex may be dyadic or group sex. It is usually oral sex. A weird sort of community develops; the men are intimate, yet they do not know each other. A "watch queen" stands at the door of the restroom to knock on the door if anyone is approaching. The encounter is anonymous, quick and furtive (it has to be). Anyway, curiosity killed the cat for Mr. Humphreys—which made for a good book but bad ethics. He noted down the license plate numbers of the participants and followed them home, claiming to be a health researcher. He made the men and their families fill out surveys. What he found was that these avid tearoom traders were married fathers, leading double lives.
Now, if these men were married fathers, they obviously weren't queer-identified. I read an article on this topic recently that said that it was silly to demand to know if a Tearoom trader identifies as queer; answering such a demand would imply speech—which is a no-no in Tearoom trade situations. The article concluded that queer identification and sexual orientation were situational.
Men would be sexual with men only as long as they can avoid the 'queer' identity
I had the opportunity to visit a tearoom recently (blush blush); this is a porn video arcade near my town. The hallways and booths are without light. In the booth, TV screens show ten channels of straight porn and only one channel of gay porn. Outside each door, men stand silent, like Buckingham Palace guards. If a man walks in and enters a booth, the man at the door goes in there with him. As I was in a booth, a very cute older man walked in and started fondling me. I reacted, perfectly naturally, I thought (naïve old me) and gave him a little kiss. The man got upset and left in a hurry. Why, I wondered, does this man have no problem with wanting to give me a blow job, but have a problem with a little kiss?
Friends tell me that he is probably like one of Humphreys's respondents. Married and closeted—he can get kisses from his wife. If he were out and proud, why would he be at a tearoom? I am inclined to agree; the stress in the whole space seems to be man-sex WITHOUT any assumption of a (stigmatized) queer IDENTITY for the participant. Which is why one watches straight porn all the while through the act; which is why no words are spoken; which is why men keep a scowl on their faces through it all and depart hurriedly afterwards.
Friends tell me that he is probably like one of Humphreys's respondents. Married and closeted—he can get kisses from his wife. If he were out and proud, why would he be at a tearoom? I am inclined to agree; the stress in the whole space seems to be man-sex WITHOUT any assumption of a (stigmatized) queer IDENTITY for the participant. Which is why one watches straight porn all the while through the act; which is why no words are spoken; which is why men keep a scowl on their faces through it all and depart hurriedly afterwards.
August 21, 2009
Just another straight experience
He was just not geared to think about love and bonding with another man. When I invoked him sexually, he responded very subconsciously, positively to it. But the moment he became aware he held back. But then started to get more and more drawn. He also started to get drawn emotionally.
He could barely accomodate the physical part of it, very, very superficially, without acknowledging it. But he neither wanted the emotional part nor he knew how to deal with it or 'nibhao' it. Not because it is not natural for men to do so. But because, the nature was never allowed to develop in him, like with other 'straight' males.
While physically and emotionally he was getting united with me -- more on the subconscious level, even if he kept fighting it on the concscious level, the more conscious part of him, continued to run after girls, to seek emotional and social union with a girl.
Therefore, he thought nothing of breaking the 'deal', the 'essence' of this bond. He couldn't honour this essence, and started to openly court girls and seek to develop relationships with them.
When I retaliated and threatened to leave him, suddenly he would be forced to leave that girl but that would leave him seething with anger at me, and then he would try to hurt our bond as well. He wanted to get out of it, but just couldn't.
In all this running away from me, one day he suddenly fell in love with a girl. It seems it was his first love. He fell head over heels for her.
It broke my heart and left him. He didn't get that girl, and he couldn't deal with my loss too. He changed himself a lot in the beginning when threatened with losing me. For the first time he indirectly acknowledged our bond.
But, as soon as I seemed to return (I hadn't actually, I just wanted to see if he could change as much as I now wanted him to change) ... he was back into his old ways again. He wanted a sexual relationship with me, but very, very superficially, without showing any sign of intimacy, whether emotional or social.
He haven't got down to anything remotely sexual yet, because, in the first part (before he fell in love with the girl) he was running away from it, and today, I don't want to give it to him, unless he changes.
And that is the story of man's oppression. Of how he is broken from another man. This is the ugly reality of Heterosexuality, which is portrayed as so noble and respectful by the society. Heterosexuality is a demon, an evil that forcibly breaks men from his basic nature and turns him into a monster, an unfeeling, unnatural, selfish individual with a stone for heart.
You can't see this oppression of men, because men have been made to feel so ashamed of this natural reality that he doesn't want anyone to see it. And the society doesn't let anyone see it either. Any discussion or display of it is quickly marginalized into the unmanly, third gender, gay ghetto.
They claim, if you like men, you're one of those 'homosexuals' so, its only scientific and reasonable that you go there.
This is just part of the whole oppression process. Part of the conspiracy against men.
There is certainly a conspiracy against men. Otherwise, such strong oppression cannot happen without someone actively working to make that happen.
He could barely accomodate the physical part of it, very, very superficially, without acknowledging it. But he neither wanted the emotional part nor he knew how to deal with it or 'nibhao' it. Not because it is not natural for men to do so. But because, the nature was never allowed to develop in him, like with other 'straight' males.
While physically and emotionally he was getting united with me -- more on the subconscious level, even if he kept fighting it on the concscious level, the more conscious part of him, continued to run after girls, to seek emotional and social union with a girl.
Therefore, he thought nothing of breaking the 'deal', the 'essence' of this bond. He couldn't honour this essence, and started to openly court girls and seek to develop relationships with them.
When I retaliated and threatened to leave him, suddenly he would be forced to leave that girl but that would leave him seething with anger at me, and then he would try to hurt our bond as well. He wanted to get out of it, but just couldn't.
In all this running away from me, one day he suddenly fell in love with a girl. It seems it was his first love. He fell head over heels for her.
It broke my heart and left him. He didn't get that girl, and he couldn't deal with my loss too. He changed himself a lot in the beginning when threatened with losing me. For the first time he indirectly acknowledged our bond.
But, as soon as I seemed to return (I hadn't actually, I just wanted to see if he could change as much as I now wanted him to change) ... he was back into his old ways again. He wanted a sexual relationship with me, but very, very superficially, without showing any sign of intimacy, whether emotional or social.
He haven't got down to anything remotely sexual yet, because, in the first part (before he fell in love with the girl) he was running away from it, and today, I don't want to give it to him, unless he changes.
And that is the story of man's oppression. Of how he is broken from another man. This is the ugly reality of Heterosexuality, which is portrayed as so noble and respectful by the society. Heterosexuality is a demon, an evil that forcibly breaks men from his basic nature and turns him into a monster, an unfeeling, unnatural, selfish individual with a stone for heart.
You can't see this oppression of men, because men have been made to feel so ashamed of this natural reality that he doesn't want anyone to see it. And the society doesn't let anyone see it either. Any discussion or display of it is quickly marginalized into the unmanly, third gender, gay ghetto.
They claim, if you like men, you're one of those 'homosexuals' so, its only scientific and reasonable that you go there.
This is just part of the whole oppression process. Part of the conspiracy against men.
There is certainly a conspiracy against men. Otherwise, such strong oppression cannot happen without someone actively working to make that happen.
January 16, 2009
Coping with pressures to resist the need for affection from other boys in boarding schools
Is homosexuality common at boarding school?
The school I attended was a co-educational school. That is the boys and girls were in the same lessons. The only difference was they were in different dormitories and sports were single sex.
So place yourself in the shoes of a young child far from home. With nobody to cuddle them when they are sad or hurt. What happens - well these children have a few options.
(1)Crush any desire for affection and touch.
(2)Seek this from other children.
Many of us, who have attended boarding school from a young age, learn (1) and we will usually have gone through (2), been thoroughly humiliated then learn to do (1).
Bearing in mind that dormitories are single sex I think this answers the question of where (2) comes from.
poster: JGEE
The school I attended was a co-educational school. That is the boys and girls were in the same lessons. The only difference was they were in different dormitories and sports were single sex.
So place yourself in the shoes of a young child far from home. With nobody to cuddle them when they are sad or hurt. What happens - well these children have a few options.
(1)Crush any desire for affection and touch.
(2)Seek this from other children.
Many of us, who have attended boarding school from a young age, learn (1) and we will usually have gone through (2), been thoroughly humiliated then learn to do (1).
Bearing in mind that dormitories are single sex I think this answers the question of where (2) comes from.
poster: JGEE
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